Psst! I Have A Killer Secret…
Hey, thanks for reading this article. I need to ask you a favour though, don’t tell anyone else about it, okay? Let’s just keep this between you and I.
You see the fact is, I have a killer secret I want to share with you. Something that will allow you to hoover up free money while you sleep. Really, this is so easy anyone can do it. You don’t need a list (not of your own anyway), you don’t need any traffic and you can set the whole thing up in a couple of hours and make tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars.
I’m going to give you all the details right here in this article, nothing will be held back.
Let’s get to it. First you’ll need to to find an existing marketing product, it really doesn’t matter which one, whether it works or not, or if has been around for donkey’s years and is common knowledge. Don’t worry, we’ll fix all that.
Now take the key concept from that product. Let’s say it’s a training course on affiliate marketing, you know the usual stuff. How to set up a WordPress blog, how to install a few plugins, how to scrape a bunch of content from other peoples’ web sites and claim it as your own, just the standard stuff.
Now think up a great name. Something like, “Super Atomising Ballistic Profits Wonga Vomiter”, is perfect.
Rehash the key parts of the tired old product you have selected and use a fancy-pants graphics tool to create an image of hundreds of CD and eBook covers. In the past 5 or 10 covers would have been enough but the industry has “matured” so now we need hundreds.
Now go through the course and take a screencast of you setting up a WordPress blog and installing plugins and scraping content and submitting backlinks. Each screencast should be about 2-3 minutes long, this will help you use up those hundred covers you created.
Make sure you create a unique name for each of the processes. So the WordPress install could be referred to as your, “Crystal-Meth Crazed Blog Bazooka”, method. You can’t over-do it, be as ludicrous as your mind will allow.
Now create a bonus product. A PDF jammed with screenshots from your screencasts will do. Add in a couple of sentences here and there to create “value”.
While you are at it, go and get a couple of PLR MP3s of people being interviewed in 1997 – or something equally useful. This will be your, “Insider bonus”, for fast action takers (aka. desperate people).
Now produce an official looking graphical seal and type, “30 Day No Fuss Guarantee”, across it. Buy a domain, create a support address, install a free support software package and ring your mate in the Philippines and tell him you’ll pay him a couple of bucks to deal with customer enquiries (ouch!).
Now go to Powerpoint and create a bunch of slides explaining why yours is the ONLY product that works and why everything else is dog shit.
Go to any half decent parking garage in a London or New York banking district, find a Porsche or a Ferrari and take a few pictures of it.
Now here comes the biggest secret of all, the “killer” touch that will ensure you “crush it” and end up “golden”.
“If you only take away one thing from this article” (C)The Gurus, then this is it so get a notepad and pen and make notes!
Spam all the gurus out there, tell them you have a great new product and ask if they’ll do a webinar with you to market it. Tell them you’ll do all the talking and their role will be simply gasping and shouting, “Wow!”, from time to time. Tell them you’ll pay at least 75% of the sales to them.
Next, set up a cheap and buggy membership site with a barely functional payment system. Make sure your login page is thoroughly broken and, if you can, get a server that collapses when more than 10 people ping it, that’s ideal.
Upload your product to Amazon (without protection so it can be ripped by non-payers later), set up your sales page – don’t fret on this because nobody will read it and all your sales will come from the webinar, but DO NOT test it all works properly! I know there will be a temptation to run a test but stick with what works for the big ticket marketers.
On the night of the webinar and provided the guru has warmed the crowd up with a stream of, “Amazing, Jaw-Dropping, Revolutionary, SEO is deader than Lennon”, pre-sales hype, you should have an eager (desperate) audience of several hundred people to pitch.
Let the guru go first so you can surf on his reputation. Let him tell the audience how you are revolutionising the marketplace, even more so than the revolutionary guy he had on another call last week.
Remember those photos of the Ferrari or Porsche? Yeah?… Yeah? Are you getting it now?
Do your Powerpoint pitch. You know the order, massive proof (use your best Clickbank screen shot even if it has nothing to do with the product), why nothing else but your product works, why you are sharing your secret method (because you love everyone and want to give something back), a painfully slow and repetitive run-down of each and every video and PDF in your product pack (don’t forget to add, “Real World Value – $997″, next to each item), repeat last step but go slower, put a figure of $196,997 on the screen then cross it out – because the buyer won’t be paying that much tonight…
… He won’t even be paying $96,997, so cross it out, you’re not even going to charge $96,996, or $96,995, not even $95,997, or (for brevity I’m going to skip the next 30 steps), $997… oh no…
Tonight and just for the people on the webinar, you’re giving the product away for a ridiculous (must use that word) $497 (or 4 instalments of $297 for the plebs who can’t count).
Clinch it by stating there are only 100 copies available, because you don’t want this secret getting out!
Now you need to do the product list thing again, maybe a couple more times.
Let the guru end the call. Go to bed, wake up, the cash is in your account. ‘kay?
And the bloke the Philippines can handle all the shit while you get on with your next great (even better than this one) product release.
Do this enough times and you could be a guru too!
PS. I’m kidding, this would never happen in the Internet marketing industry!

This is absolutely great! You sound very much like a comment I recently made on Cockrum’s blog about a product that just launched a couple of days ago. Overall we certainly share identical views about what we would like to be in an industry of how it really is! LOL